Divine Appointments

Just to let you know...over the last few months God has blessed us with several divine appointments that have led to speaking opportunities, teaching times, donations to TBI, and encouragement or accountability for me.  I am thankful for the ways Jesus ministers to me and us through others.  My prayer is that we can be a blessing to many and equip learners to become apprentices who will be facilitators and eventually mentors of others.  (L-A-F-M) 

This model seems to be the simple way God has used us to prepare men and women to be marriage mentors and ministry leaders over the years.  This process is not very fast but by God's grace He has developed some awesome people into awesome mentors who lead others into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.  We are seeing leaders "live loved" and "give love freely"..."starting at home".  We are also prayerfully, diligently following after our Lord to guide us to do the same in our own home.

I am very thankful for two key "not so current" divine appointments.  Carol, my wife, is a gift to me from God through a divine appointment 40 years ago when we met, then continued dating, and eventually married.  Her love for me is a precious, undeserved gift.  I love her.

Jeanne, Suzanne, and Paul are our 3 grown children and their being given to our family is a divine appointment or 3 divine appointments.  Jeanne is currently working with TBI full time, and her excellent help has been absolutely key to our current level of success.  Suzanne and Paul have families of their own where the principles we've learned, taught, and attempted to model are being implemented in Christ-centered homes.  No one does this life perfectly, but they and Jeanne are practicing what we have taught and loving well those in their families and beyond.  Erin, Paul's wife, and Nathan, Suzanne's husband, are truly gifts from God and answers to our heart-felt prayers that God would provide loving spouses for our children.  We have seen Jeanne taking wise steps in her past and current relationships to establish a firm foundation for modeling Christ's love. 

I am extremely proud of Carol and our children.

Vacation and Funeral and Baby Girl

What a ride we are on!  Life continues to be filled with contrasting experiences, doesn't it? 

     We spent a week on a wonderful vacation together with the whole family at a friend's house in South Carolina....beautiful, restful, fun.  We'd decided not to rent a pontoon boat for cruising and tubing this year as a way to keep expenses down, then we discovered our friends had left us access to their incredible wave-runner.  Wow!  We didn't ride it very long each day, but each one who wanted to ride had the chance to spend some time on this fun machine.  Plus, I just felt pretty cool running around the lake on that thing - shades on, iPod - earphones blaring, wind in my hair....you get the drill.  :)  Having the family there for the week for seeing each other, having great conversations, laughing together, and watching our children love their families, each other, and us are priceless blessings.


All the while my friend Matt was back in Atlanta (Cumming) struggling in his fight with cancer. On Thursday evening, June 23, Matt went home to be with Jesus.  I found out Friday morning, June 24, from his wife / best friend.  She and his parents had requested a meeting the week prior to vacation to discuss funeral arrangements because all of us knew it would not be long.  It wasn't.  We held Matt's funeral on Tuesday, June 28, and heard from 5 people during the service about this great man, this great husband and father and friend.  I miss him terribly and as I sit here typing I can see his smiling face, hear his encouraging voice, and laugh inside at his humorous antics.  The blog I wrote about "everyone I meet today is really dying...how many are really living" was written just after my final face-to-face meeting with Matt.  Neither of us knew it would be the last.

Now to this week..
As we were with the family in South Carolina on vacation (June 19-26), we were hosting not just 12 of the Lewis and Adams family members, but #13 was with us but we didn't know what to call him or her because the gender of Suzanne and Nathan's #3 (to be born in November) was unknown.  Not any more!  While we were playing with Evan and Jonathan at the Wilshire Park in Gainesville, Wednesday, June 29, Nathan and Suzanne were at the doc's office finding out the gender of our grandchild #6.  Pink is our new favorite color.  We would have been equally thrilled with boy #3, but it is cool for them to be having a girl to add to the family.  She'll have two big brothers to watch over her!!!

Our Father continues to supply our needs according to the ways He has chosen, but one thing is for sure.  Every day is a day of prayer and provision for the needs of the day, and we want to learn more gratitude for all of it and especially to Him Who loves us so much to care enough to give us life in Jesus and provision for life here and hereafter.  We are blessed!

"Not down or out".

Down but not Out

Man, today - right before my birthday - has been one of several challenges mostly from the financial side.  Oversights, computer/email errors, and just the droning on of the costs of living have been weighing on me this whole day after one of the best mornings with the Lord I have had in a while....

What does that say?  I know this is a test of resilience and faith, but I don't have to like it, right?  People have been so kind to give, and we've seen God doing great works of healing and encouragement in marriages and families, even churches, but I don't like how it feels not to be able to jump up and go, take my family where I want to - when I want, especially on my birthday weekend.

I guess I am having a bit of a pity party ,when the truth is I have nothing to fear or worry about .... in any arena of life.  God is gracious to let me vent, put up with me and even love me in spite of my self-pity.  I have been helped by simply writing this down and hearing myself think out loud and write / read my thoughts.  I am going to go and have fun with my family....inexpensive, together, hang out, be around each other, enjoy a few friends who are coming over, and eat birthday cake.  :)

Deep Comfort - Two Big Questions...and answers.

Deep Comfort for Emotional Pain (Hurt and Guilt)

       As a child, I wasn’t much for dark places.  Whether it was from living not too far from a cemetery, watching too many scary late-night movies, or freaking out when my older brothers jumped out from dark corners to see if they could watch a little brother die from heart failure, I am not sure; but for whatever reason, dark and I didn’t get along for years.

       You know how that works, right?  So why was I not frightened or not “as frightened” when someone was alongside me during any of these episodes?  Don’t you think that being alone during those scary moments makes the fear worse?  Many of us have had to walk through a “questionable” section of town alone, been lost on a lonely road after dark, or even been with someone we didn’t trust when they had way too much power over us for our comfort.  We have all been afraid of something or someone at sometime.

       Jesus’ disciples were given a “heads-up”.  He told them He was soon to be handed over to His enemies, crucified on a Roman cross, and that He would die.  It seems that even though He told them He would come alive again after 3 days, His followers didn’t hear that or comprehend it, because none of them showed up at His grave on the third day to watch Him resurrect.  Oh, there were some ladies who came to finish the rushed job Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimithea did when they wrapped Jesus’ body for burial after His crucifuxion; but those dear ladies didn’t come to watch Him rise from the dead.

       Read what the disciples felt when Jesus left them alone as He gave Himself up to be crucified.  He had been with them and now He was leaving them alone for a while.  They felt His absence deeply.

Jesus Predicts His Death

Matthew 16:21-23 (NLT)

21 From then on Jesus* began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.

22 But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him* for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!”

23 Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

Matthew 17:22, 23 (NLT)

22 After they gathered again in Galilee, Jesus told them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of his enemies. 

23 He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead.” And the disciples were filled with grief.

       When Jesus told the disciples the first time in Mark 9:30-32 the disciples didn’t understand but were afraid to ask Jesus what He meant.  Surely Jesus didn’t mean to say He was going to be crucified.  How could that be? Things were starting to go so well for Jesus and His disciples. 

       In the second recorded disclosure to the disciples that Jesus was going to be crucified, they were “filled with grief”.  For approximately 3 years Jesus had been with His disciples, teaching, encouraging, training, loving, and leading them.  Now or soon, they were going to lose Him to a horrible death…death by crucifixion. 

       The attitude and actions of very powerful people in the Sanhedrin, the ruling council of Jewish leaders, were progressively getting more and more hostile as they plotted and planned to get rid of Jesus.   First they tried to trick Him into saying something that would cause the people to turn away from Jesus to them.  That plan failed.  Since they couldn’t turn popular opinion back to being favorable to them over Jesus, they devised a way to kill Him.

       The disciples, as followers of Jesus, must have felt the heat from the rage and anger burning against Jesus, all He stood for, and those who associated with Him.  Now with Jesus prophesying His own death at the hands of the religious leaders AND the Romans, the disciples would have no one to defend them, to protect them….they would be alone against terrible odds.

       Being alone brings us into a more vulnerable state of mind, doesn’t it?  When we consider how God Himself said that it is “not good that the man should be alone” and then provided a “helper” or “companion”, the case for the “not good” of being alone gets stronger.  Being alone or disconnected or unloved or losing someone special or having to face life with no one close to you is truly “not good”.  In Genesis 2:18 the context involves the first man and woman being brought together to become “one” as God designed, and there God plainly said that “it is not good for the man to be alone”.

       Starting at Genesis 2:18 and examining scripture from cover to cover, we discover that marriage is not the only relationship God intended for us to enjoy.  He designed us to show His love to others by connecting with them regarding their physical needs.  We do this when we help, feed, cloth, protect, support, or otherwise meet physical needs and wants of another person.  (Dimension #1 – Physical Bridge of Relationships)

       Since there are needs in other dimensions, connection can be achieved and love shown as friends, when needs of the heart are met.  Dimension #2 – Friendship Bridge of Relationships can be crossed and the lives connected when people encourage, respect, listen, seek to understand, pay attention, appreciate, and accept others unconditionally. 

       Likewise, we have spiritual needs for a relationship with God and others that involves worship, prayer, Bible study, help with understanding and applying scriptural truth, serving in a ministry or on mission with another.  In these ways another bridge is crossed to connect 2 lives in Dimension #3 – Fellowship Bridge of Relationships.

       Can you see that these bridges can be crossed and connection made between 2 lives whether they are married, acquaintances, relatives, co-workers, or long-time buddies.  God built us for connection not “aloneness”. 

       However, many of us are not skilled at connecting and seem to feel alone more than we do loved or valued in our relationships. 

Big Questions 1 and 2:

1.  What do we do about the times when we feel disconnected because we have been hurt or left alone by someone who loved us but now they don’t, or is gone and can’t give us love, or just never loved us as we’d hoped they would?

2.  What do we do when we hurt others and feel guilt or alone and cut off by our own actions; and no matter how hard we try, we can’t reconnect to the one we have hurt or to God?

I have really good news regardless of the cause of our aloneness and pain.  God offers meaningful solutions not shallow suggestions.

Big Question #1:  Let’s look at the case where we are hurt, alone, and feel disconnected from someone who could love us or should have loved us.  This person may truly love us but not know how to show love in a way that helps us know it, feel it, believe it.  The person in question may be from our past or participating in our lives currently.

Understand the truth about those who fit this description:

o      They truly may not know how to communicate love.

o      The hurt they caused needs to be healed and can be.

o      We don’t have to do this work alone.  God is able to do it.                       See I Thessalonians 5:23, 24

Please take the time to experience these truths to help you connect to your Father in heaven. He truly loves you and always has:

·      God loves you very much.  John 17:23, John 3:16

·      You can mourn your hurt to Him or to a caring friend.  Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

·      His comfort is real and He offers to enter your pain with you to let you know you are not alone.  I Peter 5:7, Matthew 11:28-30

His truth will set you free from the debilitating pain of feeling alone then guide you to connect with Him and with others.

The next section - Experience this Truth - is for you to work through at your own pace and in your own time.

Experience this Truth:  Matthew 5:4-Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.

·      Know it in your mind – Fact:  Read this passage several times and ask God for understanding; list those who caused your hurt (Use the Top Ten Needs list to help understand where your hurt originates.  The list appears at the bottom of this post.)

·      Know it in your emotions- Understand:  As you think about this truth, express your hurt and emotions to your Heavenly Father and others whom you trust

·      Know the truth in your will – Wisdom:  Make wise choices to continue to express your hurt before God and meaningful others and welcome His loving presence.  You are not alone after all.  You will probably have to let these truths process in your heart and mind again.

·      Know the truth experientially as you tear up the list of those who hurt you, express forgiveness, let them go, and remember that years of hurt may take some time to expose and even more time to deal with the roots of hurt  that have grown in your life.  But those roots can be pulled and freedom can be yours as Jesus Christ removes you from the prison of your pain.

       A good friend of mine told me her story:  “As a 5 year old, my mother cruelly abused me to the point that each night I would go to bed and simply talk to Jesus as I cried myself to sleep.  Jesus was my only and best friend.”

You know those times, don’t you?  There have been times when no one had to convince you through argument or examination of evidence that God is real.  You KNEW it.  There have been and still are those moments and days when the love of God and His comforting presence are more real than life itself.  In fact, Paul wrote that the “things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are not seen are eternal”

 2 Corinthians 4:18

Big Question #2:

Now let’s talk about the aloneness and pain we feel when we have hurt others, sinned against God, or clumsily damaged relationships by our poor choices and improper responses.

2.  “What do we do when we hurt others and feel guilt or alone and cut off by our own actions; and no matter how hard we try, we can’t reconnect to the one we have hurt?”

Experience I John 1:9:  “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

·      Know it in your mind – Fact:  Read this passage several times and ask God for insight into His Word; list those you have hurt / relationships you have damaged. (Use the Top Ten Needs list to help understand where your guilt originates.  The list appears at the bottom of this post.)

·      Know it in your emotions- Understand:  As you think about this truth, ask God how He feels about what you did and also how He feels about you – then and now.  Ask God to help you experience godly sorrow over what you have done – not crippling guilt but godly sorrow.

·      Know the truth in your will – Wisdom:  Make wise choices to express your guilt before God and, as appropriate, meaningful others and welcome His loving presence.  You are not alone after all.  Receive His forgiveness based on His promise in 1 John 1:9 and 2 Corinthians 7:10.

·      Know the truth experientially as you tear up the list of those you have hurt, express gratitude for God’s forgiveness, and determine to follow up with each person as God directs.  It may be that He will lead you to make right a wrong you have done by asking for forgiveness from them, repaying them for a loss you caused, or otherwise making sure the past offenses have been addressed. 

·      The roots of guilt may take a while to remove if they’ve been with you a long time or if your heart has ignored them and grown numb.  But those roots can be pulled and freedom can be yours as Jesus Christ removes you from the prison of your guilt.

In conclusion:

1.  You and I have been hurt and some of us still live in the prison of our pain.  Someone else has more control over your emotions and thoughts than you do, than God does, than those who truly love you do, and it is this prison of pain that keeps you from knowing how loved you are and from being the loving person you desire to be.  Jesus Christ lives inside you as a believer; but He doesn’t have all of you if you still live in the prison of past pain in your heart.  Grieve it, mourn it, release it to Him, accept His comforting presence…you are not alone and it is about time you felt the truth experientially.

2.  You and I hurt people and feel the guilt or numbness in our soul that comes from the knowledge that we have actually damaged others lives.  Isn’t it about time you took the key of mourning and allowed God to break into that prison so you can feel the true pain of what you have done, confess it before God and perhaps to others, receive the forgiveness God promised to you and offers you through faith in Jesus Christ, then reveal your freedom by blessing/helping in meaningful ways (to them) those you formerly hurt?

So, now what?  What will you do?  You are not alone.  Enjoy both your relationship to God that Christ died to purchase for you as well as your relationships with many others God designed you to love.  Get out of the prisons of painful aloneness and guilt so you can enjoy the freedom Jesus offers.

Top Ten Relational Needs (Heart Needs, Soul Needs) [1]:

Acceptance - deliberate and ready reception with a favorable positive response, even after failure (Rom. 15:7).

Affection – to communicate care and closeness through physical touch and words (Rom. 16:16).

Appreciation – to communicate with words and feelings a personal gratefulness for another (I Cor. 11:2).

Approval – expressed commendation; to think and speak well of (Rom. 14:18).

Attention – to take thought of another and convey appropriate interest and support; to enter into another’s “world” (I Cor. 12:25).

Comfort (empathy) – to come alongside with word, feeling and touch; to give consolation with tenderness (Rom. 12:15).

Encouragement – to urge forward and positively persuade toward a goal (I Thes. 5:11, Heb. 10:24).

Respect – to value and regard highly; to convey great worth (Rom. 12:10).

Security – confidence of harmony in relationships; free from harm (Rom. 12:16a).

Support – come alongside and gently help carry a load (Gal. 6:2).

---

[1] Intimate Encounters, 1997, Dr. David and Teresa Ferguson

A Free Haircut and Big Cup of Coffee

Since our return from Honduras, Carol and I have reached a new conclusion.  We had been living on our credit cards and trusting God's supply to provide what we needed so that at the end of each month the card was paid off.  (He has been providing every month so that all bills are current. )  We'd start again the next month, whether the money to cover the charges was in the bank or "going to be in the bank".  I could tell that this method was causing Carol more anguish, so we discussed options.  Her take was that we could make sure that the balance in the checking account always stayed positive and not spend ahead based on what was coming in but on what was already provided.

The more I thought it through and considered the scriptures, I realized she was right. This plan feels very "right" to us and is helping us trust daily in God's provision.  So starting about a week ago we don't spend unless we know the money is in the checking account to cover - even if it is a credit card charge that won't be due for weeks.  Since that time God has been showing us His personal care and deep love for us in some new ways.

One of those ways came a day or so after making the decision described above.  After getting my haircut and knowing we had funds to cover the cost, I discovered that my haircut was free.  Now that may not seem like much but ... we had $46 in the account and the bill would have been about $20.  As I heard Jen tell me the service was free, I remembered our new strategy, smiled really big inside and probably outside too, and walked out thanking God for caring about the little things in my life as well as the big ones. 

A few days later at a meeting with a friend, that I got to know after I had taught Basic Training to a group of pre-marital mentors in North Georgia, he "hired me" to train his family in the Basic principles.  He saw in that training several keys he wanted his family to get.  So I went for coffee with a friend and came away with another way to teach these truths.  He sent a check to our umbrella group, Helping Hands Ministries, and donated a generous amount to help our ministry.  I didn't expect either of these blessings, but once again my Father in heaven had a plan to do "exceeding, abundantly above everything" I had imagined. 

Praise Him for being my loving, perfect Father and for keeping His promise to "never leave me or forsake me".  Thank you for taking time to read this blog post.

A Whole 'Nother Country...

Jeanne and I arrived in Honduras last Sunday morning, were greeted by our dear friends, Rick and Kim Beck, spent a day at their home, traveled to Valle de Angeles, unpacked our bags at Villa Chelsey Bed and Breakfast, set up for the conference, and awaited the Tuesday arrival of 5 or 6 couples for a 3-day investment into their marriages and ministries.

The very broken couple for whom we'd prayed to come decided not to come but to attend an intensive back in the states.  I am glad for their sake that they are devoting time and resources to get to the bottom of their issues in their very young marriage.

The attending couples were church planters, pastors, and children/youth-focused ministry couples.  They all had a common love for the Hondurans and getting the Good News of Jesus to them quickly, effectively, and consistently.  Our time together was to allow them to step back, look at their own marriages and families, allow the Father to heal areas of brokenness and to take steps to even deeper love for each other and for the Lord Jesus....to live loved and give love freely ... starting at home.  (Sound familiar? )  :)

Most of the couples experienced real challenges getting into the processing of the lists of guilt and hurt.  We needed another few hours to deal with what to do with expectations when the spouse doesn't seem as sincere as we would like, when one spouse's list is detailed and the other spouse's list was more general, or when a couple felt they had already dealt with stuff and didn't want it to be rehashed.  All of these concerns are legitimate and the challenge to the process helped the week to become not a process but a living, changing experience with the Word of God.  Another big issue was "what is to prevent our spouse from doing it again" after having confessed "it" (whatever "it" is) and taken responsibility for their guilt.

After discussing that there was no need to rehash old stuff that had truly been forgiven or comforted, that we are to deal with our stuff without passing judgment on the sincerity of the spouse's confession, and that individuals process hurt and guilt differently so that some get to the detail quickly while others take a while to think in specific terms, we turned the group loose to "do it again".   We also determined that there is no guarantee in human relationships that we won't fail each other in any area or that we'll be perfect in every way after confession.  The idea in all of this is to make progress toward a closer relationship with each other and a closer walk with Jesus.  When confession is made to us, our response to "do unto others as we would have others do unto us".  We are to realize that the confession made and the forgiveness asked may be as new to the one speaking as to you who are hearing.  Fully 90% of the couples we ask admit that in their first 2 decades of life they never heard an adult confess wrong or ask forgiveness for anything.  Can you imagine it may take us a while to understand our need for forgiveness, know how to process our guilt, ask forgiveness in a way that conveys our sincerity, or actually receive a confession with an attitude that is trusting versus suspicious?  Just a thought.  :)


When we returned that afternoon the couples had experienced some breakthroughs both as individuals and in their marriages.  Some noted that genogram work on home of origin opened their eyes to the patterns of family dysfunction or poor relationship skills they'd carried into marriage and projected onto the spouse.  Others, noted how valuable this will be for their kids to see change in their own lives going forward or how being authentic at home makes it more powerful when the Gospel is shared because people are living it at the house. 

When missionaries, preachers, ministry leaders, and just us ordinary folks go out into our world to talk about the love of Jesus, our job is even more fulfilling, our passion more vibrant as we realize our homes have been the laboratory where our transformed lives continue to be made into the image of Christ most effectively.  When a husband and wife in ministry or not in ministry truly love each other with the love of Christ, the home and their relationship is a haven of safety and rest in a dangerous and chaotic world.  That world is the one into which we've been called to perform our peacemaker/minister of reconciliation role. 

Whether in a third world country like Honduras or in the USA or any country in between....Jesus Christ has given us the power and privilege to live free and to create homes from which loving relationships are exemplified setting future generations in motion to do life better, do marriage better, do evangelism, do discipleship, do business, do politics, do leadership, and on and on .... better than we and making progress toward a society that reflects in public what we are living and training behind the closed doors of our own homes...and all to the glory of God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Just before Honduras

Just before Honduras as plans were being finalized, we got to see the hand of God again.  He took a deficit and filled the hole in fewer than 8 hours...in the mail, a check that might or might not have come; from a friend, a generous gift; from another friend of the family, another generous gift. 

I saw once again how God knows the needs even before we do...of course; He has the provision set aside; we ask in faith believing and sometimes we ask with doubt; He moves on hearts to "freely give" what they have "freely received" from His supply; and the work continues - the bills are paid - God's gets the glory He is due - we experience the reality of God's great love on a very personal level. 

All this happened in two days after I wrote the last post.  I started to "freak out", then grace was extended, His faithfulness was revealed, and the Holy Spirit helped us to "faith up" once again.

Jesus' love is real, and He truly is the only answer.  What an honor to represent Him to family, friends, and the world as we "speak the truth in love" and "share not only the Gospel, but our very lives as well."



btw, my Facebook account got hacked...so if you get a weird link from my Facebook account....it ain't me!  I have taken measures to secure my account so it won't happen again...hopefully.