Jeanne and I arrived in Honduras last Sunday morning, were greeted by our dear friends, Rick and Kim Beck, spent a day at their home, traveled to Valle de Angeles, unpacked our bags at Villa Chelsey Bed and Breakfast, set up for the conference, and awaited the Tuesday arrival of 5 or 6 couples for a 3-day investment into their marriages and ministries.
The very broken couple for whom we'd prayed to come decided not to come but to attend an intensive back in the states. I am glad for their sake that they are devoting time and resources to get to the bottom of their issues in their very young marriage.
The attending couples were church planters, pastors, and children/youth-focused ministry couples. They all had a common love for the Hondurans and getting the Good News of Jesus to them quickly, effectively, and consistently. Our time together was to allow them to step back, look at their own marriages and families, allow the Father to heal areas of brokenness and to take steps to even deeper love for each other and for the Lord Jesus....to live loved and give love freely ... starting at home. (Sound familiar? ) :)
Most of the couples experienced real challenges getting into the processing of the lists of guilt and hurt. We needed another few hours to deal with what to do with expectations when the spouse doesn't seem as sincere as we would like, when one spouse's list is detailed and the other spouse's list was more general, or when a couple felt they had already dealt with stuff and didn't want it to be rehashed. All of these concerns are legitimate and the challenge to the process helped the week to become not a process but a living, changing experience with the Word of God. Another big issue was "what is to prevent our spouse from doing it again" after having confessed "it" (whatever "it" is) and taken responsibility for their guilt.
After discussing that there was no need to rehash old stuff that had truly been forgiven or comforted, that we are to deal with our stuff without passing judgment on the sincerity of the spouse's confession, and that individuals process hurt and guilt differently so that some get to the detail quickly while others take a while to think in specific terms, we turned the group loose to "do it again". We also determined that there is no guarantee in human relationships that we won't fail each other in any area or that we'll be perfect in every way after confession. The idea in all of this is to make progress toward a closer relationship with each other and a closer walk with Jesus. When confession is made to us, our response to "do unto others as we would have others do unto us". We are to realize that the confession made and the forgiveness asked may be as new to the one speaking as to you who are hearing. Fully 90% of the couples we ask admit that in their first 2 decades of life they never heard an adult confess wrong or ask forgiveness for anything. Can you imagine it may take us a while to understand our need for forgiveness, know how to process our guilt, ask forgiveness in a way that conveys our sincerity, or actually receive a confession with an attitude that is trusting versus suspicious? Just a thought. :)
When we returned that afternoon the couples had experienced some breakthroughs both as individuals and in their marriages. Some noted that genogram work on home of origin opened their eyes to the patterns of family dysfunction or poor relationship skills they'd carried into marriage and projected onto the spouse. Others, noted how valuable this will be for their kids to see change in their own lives going forward or how being authentic at home makes it more powerful when the Gospel is shared because people are living it at the house.
When missionaries, preachers, ministry leaders, and just us ordinary folks go out into our world to talk about the love of Jesus, our job is even more fulfilling, our passion more vibrant as we realize our homes have been the laboratory where our transformed lives continue to be made into the image of Christ most effectively. When a husband and wife in ministry or not in ministry truly love each other with the love of Christ, the home and their relationship is a haven of safety and rest in a dangerous and chaotic world. That world is the one into which we've been called to perform our peacemaker/minister of reconciliation role.
Whether in a third world country like Honduras or in the USA or any country in between....Jesus Christ has given us the power and privilege to live free and to create homes from which loving relationships are exemplified setting future generations in motion to do life better, do marriage better, do evangelism, do discipleship, do business, do politics, do leadership, and on and on .... better than we and making progress toward a society that reflects in public what we are living and training behind the closed doors of our own homes...and all to the glory of God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
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