Storage Capacity versus Unwanted Baggage

Working to clean our storage room with Carol during some free days after Christmas has prompted me to enter this post on Storage Capacity versus Unwanted Baggage.  I didn't know this labor of love with Carol would have such an impact on my thinking.  I did think my back might feel it more than my heart.  Guess not.  :)

From the December 16-18 weekend together with all 13 (now that Reagan Elizabeth Adams is out where we can see her), my Mom now 98, and my extended family in Kentucky to the December 23-25 weekend in Georgia with part of our family and some other dear friends, we may have had the greatest Christmas so far.

I know you understand that the "greatness" of this Christmas had little to do with gifts received and much to do with the gifts given and time with those we love and who love us.  This year there was more joy, more peace, and more love experienced in all the places where we were privileged to have Christmas celebrations.

A question has surfaced during this time, that I want to write about and hopefully develop in coming weeks.

Here is the question:
     Why can't family members be the people with whom we discuss tough issues, seek help with problems, expose needs of advice or resources, or tap expertise for starting new ventures?

This question was sparked by the realization that some, many in fact, in my extended family are hurting from a myriad of problems  - some self-inflicted problems and others from circumstances of just being alive in this world.  But, most of us in the family found out about the issues only after years have passed and much Unwanted Baggage is now carried by young and old alike.  Even when help was offered from caring individuals in the family, that help was either ignored or refused  - with the possible exception of one situation that is developing currently.

Another way to phrase the question more simply may be ...
     Why don't family members trust each other reaching out for help as help is needed?
      Or why do we wait so long, seek help from complete strangers, or seek no help at all when loving family members are so readily available?

I know the stock answers are pride, fear of rejection, etc.  Blah, blah, blah!  As real as these reasons are, my question remains.

     I was told by a friend some years ago that Jewish families have the fewest number of juvenile delinquents due to the depth of the family connections and the maintenance of healthy family traditions.  I don't know if that is still true, but it seems to me that Christian families should and could be equally as functional IF we translate love for each other as Jesus does.

     In other words, what if we "loved one another as He loves us", if we "spoke the truth to each other in love", if we "rejoiced with those who rejoice and wept with those who week"; if we "let no corrupt communication proceed out of our mouth but only that which is good and that builds up another, speaking according to the need of the moment"; if we "did not let the sun go down on our anger"..... ?   You get the idea.

Not sure about your family system, but my family - though filled with wonderful people who have much to offer -  was historically a system where little deep discussion occurred, where political differences were and are points of contention rather than discussion, where more conversations were had ABOUT another family member rather than WITH that person, and where little was ever confronted in keeping with the "speak the truth in love" principle held in high esteem in scripture as a sign of maturity much like that of Christ's.

     Consequently we - many of us....not you, I hope - walk through life with Unwanted Baggage of unresolved hurt and guilt rather than our Storage Capacity filled with wonderful memories of love given and love received.  Please don't misunderstand.  I don't believe we are all "walking basket cases" of bleeding hearts and phony lives.  In fact, I think we've done pretty well with the truths we've experienced and the efforts we've invested in loving others as Jesus does.  We Christians are still the most giving, caring, forbearing, and accepting people in the world, so far as I have seen in my travels over 40 + years of ministry.  But for some reason we can do great things in the world without much assessment or examination of what is happening behind the closed doors of our own homes.

...Still blows me away to think of how little training or mentoring we get from Bible scholars, teachers, and preachers about the clear command of loving each other "as Jesus loves us".  Isn't it easy to read or speak those words but hard to actually do it or know what Jesus even means by His command?

     So, if you are interested in learning more about giving Jesus' love and if you have time to read a previous blog "Four Questions for Two Lists", that might be a great place to start.  Reading I Corinthians 13, John 13, and Ephesians 3 and 4 give a very clear picture of how vital God's love to us and through us is.  Without His love motivating our lives it seems to me that there isn't much worth doing.

     We go through life accumulating Unwanted Baggage when that space in our hearts should be filled, could be filled, and by God's grace will be filled with memories of love received and given, forgiveness received and given, and abundant lives lived to the glory of God.