Often, couples working through the TBI marriage principles become confused when we ask them to evaluate the example their parents set for them. We ask if they want their marriage to imitate that of their parents. Most of the time we get answers of "No" or "No way!"
When we are asked to justify our request to examine the relational "good, bad, and ugly" from the families of origin, we sometimes hesitate to assess it because we don't want to speak badly about either a parent, their relationship with each other, or their relationship with us. That hesitation is not a bad thing, necessarily; but not assessing our home of origin relationships is very unhealthy, potentially lethal to our own marriage and relationships with our children.
How can we heal our damaged soul or experience a growing relationship with our spouse if we don't realize the damage (if any) and accept God's power to heal us? Answer: we probably can't. You may be the exception to the rule, but most of us won't get treatment for a disease until we know we have it. Likewise, most of us have not dealt with relational disease from homes of origin because we don't recognize the symptoms.
One simple question to ask is this: In what ways do I want my marriage to be just like the one or ones I observed in my childhood - parents, grandparents, neighbors, etc.?
Where you see the "not good" of couples (parents, especially) who were not known well in their marriage, who didn't know how to resolve conflict, who acted as though there was no conflict when conflict was obvious to all, or who simply did not show the love of Jesus accurately or consistently, you will realize you may have some healing to do and some new skills to develop.
Back to Honoring our Father and Mother:
Last question of the blog post:
Would it honor your parents if you love your family (spouse and children) better than your parents loved each other or loved you?
Last answer of the blog post:
You bet it would!
That is the idea - to take what we got from our parents and appreciate the good, heal from the bad and ugly, then grow to love our spouse and children even more as Christ loves us. John 13:34, 35 is a "new commandment", as Jesus called it, because for many the "old" love they received is not only a watered-down tolerance for others, but stale and perhaps painful, and not love at all.
Let's trust God for a I Corinthians 13 love in our marriage and parenting. If we can do it there-behind closed doors, the relationships outside the home will reap the benefit of our being trained in giving and receiving love. When the Love-based life you live inside the home matches the life you live outside it, it truly simplifies things.
Too often we give our better effort of conscientiously loving others outside the home rather than to spouse, kids, or parents. True? I hope it is not true for you or me ... any more!
May it not be true of us going forward.
Let's love well, as Jesus empowers and commands, starting at home so the next generation has less to forgive and more modeling of healthy love-skills to launch them into abundance in their relationships. As our children and others who model their marriage after ours seek to honor us, they'll heal from the bad and ugly, appreciate the good, and build a more loving home for their children....and on and on it goes until Jesus returns.
You are I are legacy builders, aren't we? Let's build great ones for our part. Others will have to make their own choices, but as "for me and my house" we will by God's grace serve the Lord and love each other well.
Joshua 24:15b
No comments:
Post a Comment