Four Questions for Two Lists - How to deal with guilt and hurt... privately

 

Four Questions for Two Lists

Hebrews 12:1,2; Matthew 5:4; Matthew 11:28-30; I John 1:9; James 5:16; I Peter 5:7

List 1:  Using the Top Ten Soul Needs list (see the list below) – prepare to take steps that will grow your love for one another in marriage.

After reviewing the Top Ten Soul Needs list, please take time with God asking the following questions - scripture references are provided if you want some help answering the questions:

1. Father, would you please show me how I have hurt my spouse and our marriage relative to not meeting these needs consistently? (Mark 10:42-45, Romans 3:23, Philippians 2:3-4)

2. Father, how do you feel about what I have done to hurt my marriage and my spouse?  (Romans 6:23, John 8: 1-11)

3. Father, how do you feel about me even though I have done these things?  (Romans 8: 38-39, Romans 6:23)

4. Father, now what should I do as the next steps to healing and growing my relationship with my spouse? (1 John 1:9, Matthew 5: 23-24, James 5:16, Hebrews 12:1-2)

List 2:  Using the Top Ten Soul Needs list – prepare to take more steps that will grow your love for one another:

After reviewing the Top Ten Soul Needs list, please take time with God asking the following questions - scripture references are provided if you want some help answering the questions:

1. Father, would you please show me how I have been hurt by my spouse relative to not having these needs met consistently? (Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:21, Philippians 2:3-4)

2. Father, how do you feel about the hurt I have experienced?(Matthew 11:28-30)

3. Father, how do you feel about me when I have been hurt? (Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 27:10)

4. Father, now what should I do as next steps to personal healing and in order to help grow my relationship with my spouse? (I Peter 5:7, Matthew 5:4, Ephesians 4:31-32, Hebrews 12:1-2)

Please note:

Do not bring up old wounds that have truly been healed

Do not judge the sincerity of your partner’s confessions

Realize each of us needs more than one miracle in life; usually, healing is a process not an event

The idea is to heal as individuals so the marriage you build has a stronger foundation

Top 10 Soul Needs [1]

Acceptance - deliberate and ready reception with a favorable positive response, even after failure (Rom. 15:7).

Affection – to communicate care and closeness through physical touch and words (Rom. 16:16).

Appreciation – to communicate with words and feelings a personal gratefulness for another (I Cor. 11:2).

Approval – expressed commendation; to think and speak well of (Rom. 14:18).

Attention – to take thought of another and convey appropriate interest and support; to enter into another’s “world” (I Cor. 12:25).

Comfort (empathy) – to come alongside with word, feeling and touch; to give consolation with tenderness (Rom. 12:15).

Encouragement – to urge forward and positively persuade toward a goal (I Thes. 5:11, Heb. 10:24).

Respect – to value and regard highly; to convey great worth (Rom. 12:10).

Security – confidence of harmony in relationships; free from harm (Rom. 12:16a).

Support – come alongside and gently help carry a load (Gal. 6:2).

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[1] Intimate Encounters, 1997, Dr. David and Teresa Ferguson