Rain on the Soil Loosens the Roots of the Weeds
Background Information:
Mourning allows the unresolved hurt and guilt harbored in your heart to break free from the hard soil that holds them - roots and all. Receiving God's comfort allows us to experience God's love so deeply that we know we are not alone and trust Him to set us free from the failure and pain of the past. He removes the pain and guilt - roots and all.
Sorta' like pulling weeds.
Since I have moved to Georgia, I have experienced the difficulty of removing weeds from my lawn. That is, I had difficulty until I figured out that the soil is much more willing to release the roots of the weeds after a rain or irrigation. When we mourn our hurt, the sadness and tears moisten the soil of our heart and allow the roots of our pain to be more easily removed. When the comfort of God comes to bring us release, He effectively removes the root and stem of the pain and begins the healing process. Leave the root and the week grows back.
But there is a caution that must be mentioned. Each of us attempts to find “comfort” for the hurt we experience or cause. We attempt to distract ourselves, numb the pain or guilt, accuse others, excuse ourselves, and the list of possibilities that fit these categories as “comforters” actually represents a list of “false gods”. Have you noticed that those who turn to “false gods” for comfort or to have their needs met usually invite other people to join them, especially if the “false god” actually provides some temporary relief or distraction? Sin may satisfy us for a while, but the resulting addiction to the sin means that the sin that “I have” now “has me”.
Some turn to sexual sin to attempt to meet the need for affection or respect. Some turn to money, position, or busy-ness to attempt to manipulate others to meet the needs of respect, acceptance, appreciation, etc. Others gossip or exaggerate in order to have an exciting story so others will give them attention. These false gods, usually discovered through the practice of our coping mechanisms, leave us fearful as we run out of choices, insecure since none of them actually satisfy the deepest needs, and anxious because we are still “alone” and may feel very “unloved” though we’ve tried “everything”. No wonder Jesus said that we should mourn. We need to mourn.
Self-reliance drives some to handle their own pain or guilt by devising a coping mechanism to either deny the need exists, meet their own needs, or insulate themselves from future hurt. Selfishness drives others to wallow in their pain and neediness in attempts to take resources from others so their own needs will be met and pain diminished, ... that is if their plan works. It doesn’t work for long if it works at all. Still others convince themselves that they don’t deserve to have their needs met because they are too “bad”. This self-condemnation is a veiled admission that, at least in their opinion, God is not powerful enough or His love strong enough to do anything about their needs or their pain.
If you carry no hurt or guilt, perhaps this process will assist you in leading others to freedom from unnecessary pain and to be able to “lay aside the weight and sin” that entangles and to “run with patience” the race set before them.
Hebrews 12:1-2 relates that we are to fix our eyes on Jesus. In order to do that, we must take our eyes off our own guilt and hurt or off those people or things we are “worshipping” in hopes they will relieve our pain and meet our needs. Those people and things are not gods, and it is unfair and unwise of us to require that they meet our needs and heal our pain since they cannot and will not.
On whom should our expectations/hopes be placed for our needs to be met? GOD, Himself, promises to meet our needs in His way and His time. (Acts 17:25; Matthew 6: 8; Philippians 4:19) He certainly does place others in our lives with whom we share loving relationships and consequently meets some of our needs, as we meet theirs….spouse, children, parents, friends, co-workers, etc.
In whatever way God chooses to meet our needs, directly in our relationship with Him or indirectly via others, we will not always get what we need at the time we need it. All of us human beings are both fallen (with a sin nature) and alone (100% needy of God’s love and provision 100% of the time). We are selfish at times and hurt others by neglecting to adequately meet their true needs choosing to prioritize our own self-interest. Even with the best intent as parents or friends, we sometimes fail to show Christ’s love, leaving others alone, hurt, sad, or disappointed. In a similar way others hurt us, intentionally or not, and leave us desiring comfort, love, encouragement, friendship, and true community.
Though we can’t meet the needs of others perfectly and shouldn’t be expected to do so, we certainly can grow to love others more as Christ loves us, take responsibility for the hurt we cause others, and keep the relationships open. Likewise we can learn to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) so that we can address the hurt we carry in a way that heals wounds and creates an environment for closeness.
Victims or Victimizers?
We are potentially both victims and victimizers in relationships:
Victimizers = we have hurt others and sinned against God:
· Unless we mourn our sin and guilt to the depth of their roots in our soul, we may not realize the impact our sin has on God and those whom our sins and wrong choices have hurt. We may continue to do the same hurtful things again and again. True repentance is the antidote. (1 John 1:9, 2 Corinthians 7:10)
Victims = we have been hurt by others either intentionally or unintentionally.
· Unless we mourn our hurt to the depth of the pain caused us by others, we may not be able to free ourselves from the grip that person or their offense has on us.
The idea is for us to love and be loved in relationships and to know how to heal when we aren’t either loving toward others or being loved well by others!
When we do hurtful things to others by deliberate choice or impulsive reaction, we leave them hurt and alone and find ourselves guilty. Our guilt may come to us due to conviction of sins we have committed. Suppose no one teaches or shows us how to properly heal these feelings of hurt and guilt, what then? Are we to simply cope with these poisons of the heart?
Since we have to “live with ourselves”, we are likely to try to relieve the pain of hurt and guilt. Our choices include but are not limited to the following:
- Get busy to avoid the pain
- Take something to numb or medicate the pain
- Surround ourselves with people and things to attempt to replace the pain
- Convince ourselves that the pain isn’t real and deny the pain
- Manipulate the pain and use it for attention and sympathy
Have you ever seen a track and field competition? What do the runners wear when they are ready for the competition? Aren’t they wearing only as much clothing as they have to wear? And what they do wear is very light. What would you think if you saw a runner with chains and weights attached to his feet as he prepares for the gun to fire and start the race? Why would any runner who wants to win the race wear chains? He will probably not win the race and may not even have the strength to finish well or at all.
The weight of our emotional pain burdens our life and exhausts us at times, doesn’t it? If an athlete could remove those chains, he certainly should. So should we remove the chains on our hearts. Our attempts to “avoid the pain”, “numb the pain”, “replace the pain”, “deny the pain” or “use the pain” may lead us to some very unproductive methods for relief.
Have you noticed what people do to relieve their hurt? Are these methods ever successful?
Suppose a person lives his life chasing the false gods (discussed above) that are not gods at all. Don’t you think fear and insecurity would be natural results of the emptiness of chasing after gods that really can’t help?
On the heels of the fear, anxiety, and insecurity may come a sense of worthlessness or condemnation. Life isn’t working as it should, and we may feel undeserving of anything good. Perhaps we have been so wrong, so bad, and feel so inferior that we are convinced we don’t deserve to know the answer to our pain. This is a place where some stop trying to find answers. Not only do we sometimes turn the condemnation inwards upon ourselves, but also we may become very judgmental and condemning of others. If we can make others look inferior, then we get some temporary satisfaction.
As we feel superior or better than others, we convince ourselves that we have some value. This method doesn’t relieve the hurt or guilt or fear or insecurity because even the “little god of self” is no god.
At this point, reached sooner or later by all who chase life’s illusive “little gods” for comfort, our weary traveler may become angry and bitter. The anger and bitterness may turn inward or outward based upon the personality or circumstance. If inward, the person becomes more deeply depressed, negative, impatient, and reclusive. If outward, then rebellion, rage, or abuse may characterize the behavior.
In either case, this accumulation of poison in the soul/heart (weight and sin) or the building of prisons in the heart will result in a loss of the ability to feel healthy emotions, an increase in outbursts of anger or deeper valleys of depression, attempts to control others, physical side-effects, or various methods of escape to avoid the pain. These behaviors, in turn, increase the probability of producing even more hurt and guilt; consequently, we violate the greatest commandment as we fail to love God, others, and self.
In stark contrast to the downward spiral of the life summarized in the above paragraph, Jesus Christ offers this hope: though “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) Jesus Christ offers real hope in the middle of this pain-filled world. In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5,6,7) He begins by giving 8 principles all of which begin with the word “Blessed”. The Greek word actually means “happy, to be envied”. Each one of these truths provides a key to unlock the chains of our pain and to set us free from prison. Most people are not naïve enough to think that we can live this life “pain-free”, but believe that God is very interested in our living life free from unnecessary “weight and sin”. (Hebrews 12:1,2) He makes it clear that “abundance” comes from Jesus Christ and that our enemy’s design is to “steal, kill, and destroy”. (John 10:10) The presence of unresolved “weight and sin” might very well be our enemy’s greatest asset to lure us into his “steal, kill, and destroy” traps.
I have seen too many lives and relationships destroyed by a failure to effectively deal with “weight and sin”, and I believe life does not have to be lived in such a manner. Remember, you have been invited to “Cast all of your cares on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Christ’s love for us took Him to the cross to remove our guilt and He offers an intimate relationship with Himself and the comfort of His Spirit to heal the pain of this life. As we lay aside “the weight and the sin” we will “run with patience the race set before us”. (Hebrews 12:1,2)
Do you notice that Jesus carries neither the residual pain of the hurt He felt or any guilt….no weight or sin? Of course He had no guilt at all for He was perfectly sinless? Jesus does know the pain of being rejected, acquainted with sorrow, and despised. Our Savior dealt with His pain privately with His Father and publicly with His disciples. He shared some of His pain with them: disappointment, frustration, discouragement, and loneliness. Jesus' heart remained tender to the needs of others and kept perspective on those who did the damage to Him and to others by dealing wisely with the pain He carried. Although He had no sin therefore no guilt, He became sin for us at the cross and truly understands our pain.
I don't know for sure all the things Jesus felt while living on earth, but even a brief review of Christ's life and interactions reveals tears, struggle, rejection, loss, sorrow, anger, and times of questioning His Father. Jesus' wonderful heart stayed wonderfully pure. Our heart, now His home, can also be purified and see God in a more accurate light and love Him even more.
So let’s join those who live the abundant life Christ offers by being set free to love!
WE ARE BLESSED WHEN WE DO
Blessed (happy, to be envied) Read Matthew 5:4 -
- "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (New Living Translation)
When we know we are not alone in our hurt and that someone really cares, what happiness we feel! Truly, we are in an enviable position when God comforts us by replacing guilt with gratitude and hurt with healing. (I Peter 5:7, Psalm 23:4, Psalm 71:21, Psalm 119:50)
- Spiritually we are blessed because we now see God in greater light as the God of love He is! For some, this may actually be the beginning of new life in Christ!
- Emotionally we are blessed because our hearts are free from unresolved hurt and guilt. We are more aware of the needs of others. We care more as Jesus does.
- You now have your guilt removed, pain replaced by God’s comfort, and see that God cares about your needs. 1 Peter 5:7
- We have actually experienced truth and found freedom to love and be loved.
- We have fulfilled a direct order from God: Hebrews 12:1-2 (Weight and Sin)
For More Information and Study
"The Deep Comfort - Two Big Questions ... and Answers" may offer some more help toward a pure heart. See the previous post and complete the assignment to see if you can discover what you carry and how to eliminate its influence in your life and relationships.
I would love to hear from you with questions or comments on this or other blog posts. May our Lord Jesus Christ find us faithfully loving others as He loves us and fulfilling the Great Commission of Matthew 28:19-20 with a Great Commandment heart Mark 12: 29-31.
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